Son of a Legend, Heart of a SLACKER
Michael Collins
Note: This is, in a way, a
parody of my long CT fic, titled Son of a Legend, Heart of a Killer. However, nothing ties these two together
besides my warped imagination. This is just
a view into what would happen if the son of the Hero of Time decided that he
would rather sleep than save the future.
Immense stupidity imminent. You
have been warned.
“Crono!”
“Crono!”
“Crono!”
‘Ah shit. My head hurts like
hell. Shoulda laid off the booze last
night. Aw…’
“CronoCronoCronoCronoCronoCronoCronoCronoCronoCrono CronoCronoCronoCronoCronoCronoCronoCronoCronoCronoCronoCrono
CronoCronoCronoCronoCrono CRONO!!!”
“Damnit, woman, I’m up, I’m up!!!”
Despite his words, however, Crono was not up. He did not get out of bed for another
fifteen minutes. Marle had to come back
and yell at him again, which she was not too happy about.
“I said Get Up you booze-headed mofo! Come on!”
‘So much for fairy-tale marriages,’ thought Crono. ‘Some things can’t be solved with a quick
Luminaire…like PMS, for example.’
He got out of bed, looked around.
Guardia Castle was quiet, and the light in his window was dim. So was the light in his brain. He’d gotten dead drunk with the Chancellor
last night, and now he had the hangover from hell—not to mention that he was
missing a few hours of treasured sleep.
Crono was not very cheery right at that moment.
“What’re you getting me up for?” grumbled Crono, pushing his fingers
through his graying hair. He
paused. “Don’t tell me you want some,
I’m hungover and I’m not in the mood.”
“You stupid oaf,” Marle slapped the back of his head. “You forgot, didn’t you?”
Crono cussed her out in his head as he tried: “Our anniversary? Your
birthday? Uh…” Crono’s head hurt too
much to think about it too hard.
“Ah, why do I always have to keep up with things? Why the hell did I marry you, anyway?”
“My charm, good looks, sensitivity, and, uh, I’m a good lay, maybe?”
“Maybe I was on something at the time.
I don’t remember.”
“Really.”
“Anyways, the reason I got you up, since you don’t remember, is that
today is our son’s first day at school.”
“So…big deal. He’ll show up,
he’ll piss off everyone, he’ll come back—“
“You’re supposed to take him, smartass.”
“Huh?”
“Do I have to explain everything?!”
“I’m hungover, okay? I need my
sleep! And anyway, I think I have short
term amnesia or something.”
Marle muttered something about ‘short’, but he couldn’t hear what she
said.
“…Your son is going to school, which is in Truce. He has to go through Guardia Forest, which
is full of things that want to eat him.
So he needs you to take him through!”
‘Aw, shit.’ Crono felt like
telling her to screw off and just going back to sleep.
“Marle, dearest, the kid is seventeen!! He can fend for himself. He’s got a sword.”
“Okay, let’s put it this way.
In a match between our son and Gato, who would win?”
“Gato,” it took Crono five point three milliseconds to answer. Their son wasn’t renowned for his fighting
technique. Actually, he wasn’t renowned
for anything except his bizarre ability to sleep twenty four hours a day
through the loudest noise possible.
That, and his ability to make people want to kill him.
“Okay. So go.”
‘Women,’ thought Crono. ‘Can’t
argue with them. Can’t live with ‘em,
can’t live…well, you could live without them, but you’d have to live with a
bunch of queer people, and that wouldn’t be any fun either.’
He got dressed and left the room.
>>ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF SON OF A LEGEND, HEART OF A SLACKER:
Crono and Marle’s son ventures quasi-bravely through the Guardia
Forest! But can he defend himself
against the endless bitching of his father?
And how many times will Crono hurl on the way? To Be Continued!
CREDITS: Thanx to Jalhar for the
correct spelling of ‘Renowned.’ J/-\|_ |-|
/-\ |2 R0XX0R J00!!!111111
To
Chapter Two